One Big Step Forward

Just imagining it was stressful—the thought of dropping off my resume in person.

"Maybe I'm in a nightmare right now."

It was messing with my sleep pattern; I couldn’t stop thinking about the awkwardness of standing at the nursing station or, in some units, facing locked doors where I had to call or press a button just to leave my resume. This thought kept me up all night. When you're up in the middle of the night, unable to sleep, you start making silly choices, like online shopping for things you definitely don’t need or getting lost in negative thoughts.  And guess what? I did exactly that. How predictable.

Anyway, I managed about five hours of sleep, and it was so hard to open my eyes this morning to calm myself, I tried meditation and even had a full breakfast. But none of it really helped. Motivational videos, meditation, good food—nothing seemed to ease my anxiety.

When I finally arrived at the hospital, I couldn’t find the entrance to the public parking lot, even after circling the hospital once. So I parked at the nearby public library and walked ten minutes to get there. At the first unit I approached, I had to take deep breaths to calm myself.

“No one else will do this for you if you don’t do it.” “Nothing will happen if I don’t take this step.”

Those words motivated me and pushed me to take that big step forward.

My nervous body language and expression must have been obvious. Someone sitting on a couch nearby noticed and kindly helped me through the door, cheering me on and wishing me luck. After dropping off my first resume—technically the second, since I’d done this once before—I nearly cried as I turned the corner. It wasn’t that I felt accomplished or frustrated; it was something unexplainable, a mix of emotions that felt both positive and negative.

Putting myself in these uncomfortable, unpredictable situations is nerve-wracking.

But I realized something—I have the resilience to stand alone. It’s absolutely scary and exhausting to be in this environment. Yet, I know I’m not truly alone in facing these fears, anxieties, sadness, and challenges. There’s always someone out there guiding you, keeping you from stumbling, as long as you don’t give up and stay strong. And one day, when you look back, this might just be one chapter in your life story.

“Just do it, and someday, when you look back, this moment might shine as the time you truly made it happen for yourself.”