🌿 My Healing Story – A Letter from Me to You
- Jul 2, 2025
- 3 min read
These days, I’ve been reflecting deeply on my personal life. I never thought I mistreated or hurt my family—but I realize now that understanding myself means looking back, honestly and kindly.
My parents sacrificed everything for my sister and me. We didn’t grow up in a family that said “I love you” out loud. In Korean culture, love is often shown through action, not words. My sister and I had a typical sibling relationship—neither too close nor too distant. But after I moved to Chungju, the same city where she lives, something shifted. We took our first sister trip, spent time together, and slowly got closer. Even now, it still feels awkward to say “I love you” to each other—it feels cheesy. But I know the love is there. Deeply.
As for my childhood... I don’t remember much. I was called a “crybaby” because I always wanted to be near my mom. If she wasn’t around, or even just out of sight, I cried. I was a clingy child, deeply sensitive, and easily overwhelmed. That’s just how I was born—a highly sensitive person. It’s not something I chose, but it shaped so much of my experience.
Now, jumping to another part of my life—my romantic relationships. They always seemed to end in sadness. The people I loved eventually left me. Even my ex-husband cheated on me and walked away. For a long time, I thought something was wrong with them—that I was just a good person who kept attracting the wrong people. But eventually, I had to look in the mirror.
I realized I’ve struggled with insecure attachment. I’m not a psychologist, but when I learned about attachment styles, it felt like someone had written my life story. I started recognizing my passive-aggressive tendencies—something my ex even pointed out during our fights. Back then, I didn’t even know what it meant. Now I do.
I was full of fear. I didn’t trust myself. I had this fantasy that someone would rescue me, love me unconditionally, and fix everything. I was terrified of being abandoned. And I didn’t understand why, especially since my parents loved me deeply. For a moment, I even resented them—wondering if they had done something wrong that made me this way. But I know now, they did their best with what they had. They were learning how to be parents while struggling through life, just like I’m learning how to heal now.
My sensitivity, my fear of being judged, my obsessive thoughts about others’ opinions—it all stems from this deep insecurity that I’ve carried for so long. After my divorce, I thought I’d find myself. I thought I’d be okay. But healing doesn’t happen that fast. I’m still learning. I’m still scared of losing the people I love. I’m still anxious. I’m still painfully self-conscious.
But I want to change. Not for anyone else—but for me.
This is why I started this healing journey. Not just to help myself, but to help others who feel the same. You’re not alone. I’m not alone. If this resonates with you, I hope you find comfort here. You can download my healing diary as a PDF below—maybe it will help you reflect, grow, or simply feel seen.
Life is a long, winding journey. Sometimes healing takes forever. But that’s okay. What matters is that we’re trying. And if we’re lucky, we might just find peace along the way.
Thank you for being here. đź’›With love, Ellie
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