Living abroad

I moved to Calgary just over five weeks ago. It wasn’t easy leaving my country, my family, my friends, and even my career behind. Everything there was comfortable, yet I felt something missing in my heart. So, I made the brave decision to move to Canada once again. As you know, living abroad, especially as we get older, brings its own challenges.

I've been trying to find a professional job here, but I keep facing rejection after rejection. It’s heartbreaking, especially as I watch my budget steadily shrink. There’s no one to share these deep feelings with in the cold weather. I was aware of the loneliness and sadness that come with being on your own, especially in a foreign country. When you’re forced to face challenges you didn’t choose, it can feel like you’re being pulled into a deep sea.

Today, I received yet another rejection email for a job I interviewed for. It felt like heartbreak. I felt useless, weighed down by the disappointment. As I read the rejection email on the street, I thought, “Am I cursed?”

“Why am I here?” “What are you doing?” “Are you even trying hard enough?” “Was this really the best decision for you?”

I often regret my past decisions and can be hard on myself. But again, I tried to remind and comfort myself—just to survive. Because that’s who I am—the one who will always be there for me, no matter what. I’m still learning how to live, and this journey feels like an endless study. Perhaps it’ll be my time to go when I finally understand life’s wisdom.

Now, I've arrived at a new question. Life never seems to get boring with all these questions. As soon as you solve one, a harder one follows. Maybe God is giving me a chance to recognize something important. And this is my time to grasp it. For now, crying feels like my answer to loneliness and frustration.

“Don’t be so hard on yourself. Take your time. You’ll be okay eventually.” As always, I must keep moving forward, not giving up or standing still. When I finally make it, I’ll look at God and say, “Now you see, I’ve reached the point you were guiding me toward all along.”

I hope I get there soon.